I still remember you my tiny friend, how you strolled across the back patio, only to sit down and stare back at me straight through the window. Where did you come from I wondered and didn't you just seem to be the cutest cat I had ever seen? Thus was the beginning of a most unique association any human could ever hope to have with an animal. It was the beginning of an unspeakable bond between me and a cat I named Baxter.
Baxter was an indoor/outdoor cat, but moderately within a year due to an interstate move he became our indoor cat; declawed, neutered and above all on a pedestal. Many of you who have read my blogs in the past have heard Baxter's name repeatedly mentioned and his affect permeates much of my writing. That is why this is probably the most difficult blog I have ever tried to write.
This is about a journey that began in Portland, Oregon and ended in Phoenix, Arizona on Heartbreak Drive. On Wednesday, December 1 2010 we said goodbye to the best cat and without a doubt, the coolest cat we have ever had the delight of knowing. Baxter was an American Tiger in breed and had markings similar to a tiger but with some leopard markings mixed in. Baxter had all the time been a healthy cat or at least we thought. But about four years ago he started exhibiting some bladder issues. A visit to the veterinarian confirmed a mild Uti and maybe some crystals forming. A convert was made in diet and it seemed to work. Or so we thought...
If you read my blog "The Changing Seasons of Life", you may remember I talked about how I was looking a 'change of season' in regard to my cat. He was becoming more of a lap cat, tantalizing slower and commonly becoming more mellow. I tried to pass it off as just that: he was tantalizing into a dissimilar season of life. But what I didn't comprehend was that Baxter was authentically ill and because animals try to hide their pain he didn't authentically show it in a typical way. As he was becoming more of a lap cat and it made me wonder maybe why, it also fostered my innate need as a human and as a woman to be cuddled and loved. To be needed and to be able to fill that need. However, being the intuitive sensitive person I am I still had the tiny nagging doubt in the back of my mind (and heart) that all was authentically okay.
On October 18, 2010 he began behaving in a manner that is typical of unneutered male cats, that of spraying. This authentically was not the first of these incidences but since Baxter was neutered we plan it was behavioral and we tried to treat it as such. However, on this Monday it became excessive. Every time we turned nearby there he was again. We started becoming suspicious however when we noticed that he was carrying out the petition but with no results seen. By that evening he was lying on his side in a strange position with his tail kind of crooked in the air. Then came the 'accident' on the bed covers. Well, we knew something was not right and locked him into the hall bathroom area with his litter box until we could get him checked out by the vet the next morning. My first plan was he probably had a Uti and with the cost of a vet exam (still not cheap) and some antibiotics he'd be on the road to recovery.
We took him in as soon as they opened and had to leave him as they were backed up with other scheduled appointments. One hour later we got a phone call from the vet telling us that Baxter had two stones in his bladder and one of them was blocking his ability to use the litter box. His bladder was enlarged and authentically the size of a small grapefruit. Baxter was in a requisite situation. Plainly when you get this kind of news you're not authentically reasoning level and that was authentically true of us as the vet was firing off options; none of them inexpensive. We have never spent large sums of money on our cats and have for the most part all the time been pretty fortunate with their longevity. But as my husband is looking me authentically fall apart emotionally and knowing how I felt about Baxter, his love for me and the cat took precedence over his Visa card. We opted for a surgical operation (also top suggestion by the vet herself) that would develop Baxter's plumbing and hopefully make it possible for the stones to pass out on their own. It was radical and he would be in the hospital for a combine of days. I dried my tears over the relief that I would still have my cat. We took a deep breath and knew that he was in good hands.
What was suppose to be a 48 hour stay in the hospital turned into 8 days and so much more than chump convert that that in itself was painful. Each day I would visit 'my boy' and each day I wondered if he would ever authentically bounce back. The vet told me that she had never seen such a strong association between a cat and a human before and that she used my visits as a barometer to his develop as he all the time came more alive when I was there. He would crawl out of his cage, catheter intact, cut up and shaved body only to lie on my lap. It was the most intense bonding I've ever experienced. He knew I hadn't abandoned him and I was going to make darn sure he knew I never would. Finally the happy day arrived and Baxter was released. But, when Baxter was brought out with his 'lampshade' on his head, a.k.a. An e-collar shield, along with an arm-long list of meds we'd be administering...well I wasn't ready for all this. Oh yes, new special food to keep his ph balanced and to hopefully help dissolve the stones additional and forestall more. Then I found out that he would have to wear the e-collar for other week until he got his sutures out and be confined to one room of the house. Plainly my husband was out of town on enterprise at this time so I was trying to be a solo care-giver. Two dissimilar times I had to rush him back because his incision opened up and started bleeding Our other cat, Bailey plan he was from outer space with his e-collar on and hissed and growled at him constantly. I was stressed to say the least.
We endured the week and felt like breaking open champagne when the day arrived to get his sutures out. But, our merriment was short-lived when he was considered to groom himself in his post-surgery area and yet again it got infected. Back to the doctor again.
It was on one of these check-ups (I've lost tract, I'm sorry) that an x-ray was taken again and the doctor this time came in with a rather sober look on her face. We said, "how's he doing?" She hesitated a moment and then told us that unfortunately the two stones had come to be one large stone and there was no way it would pass even with the enlarged opening. We were flabbergasted. My first words were, "This is going the wrong way!! Now what?" Well, she hesitated once again and told us that they would have to go in and take out the stone and this would involve major bladder surgery, more anesthesia and authentically a hospital stay. Talk about feeling like person kicked me in the stomach. We considered to just monitor things and hope for the best, reasoning that maybe in time some miracle would happen...that it hadn't been long enough to authentically know for sure.
Well, I am sad to say that no matter how much hoping along with excellent care-giving, Baxter's condition worsened. By November 30, 2010, exactly five weeks to the day from his original surgery, we were still dealing with his urine spraying only this time it was tinged with blood. We noticed blood droplets elsewhere. This was adding much turmoil to our less than calm household since his surgery. The immoderate and incessant grooming was expanding and he appeared much more restless. We took him into the vet for his x ray and connected all the above the vet. She again told us the stone needed to come out. My husband already knew she was going to say this and we had spent a tortuous night Tuesday and partial day Wednesday making ready ourselves to give her the proper response. We couldn't put him straight through anything else and the cost was prohibitive. He still looked cut-up from the first surgery. Back legs with only minimal regrowth of fur and his back still partially bald from the pain patch. That morning I tried to give him some homeopathy pellets that I had been giving him to alleviate some of the burning in his bladder. They were very tiny and up till now he had proper them. Not this morning. He spit them out twice. It was like he was saying, "no more". I said, "okay, boy, I won't make you do anything else". It was a miserable day waiting for his vet appointment and we both knew we couldn't go straight through anymore emotional turmoil. I couldn't eat (still can't), couldn't sleep, couldn't focus (still can't) and felt physically ill. As much as I wanted to think that Baxter was happy because he was with us and even though I would see him walking straight through the house, looking out the window and giving me his preponderant "look", I couldn't allowance the other signs I was seeing. Baxter was in his litter box at least 10 times an hour. He was hurting. That stone was ripping his tiny bladder apart. The doctor confirmed this and said that he probably had other infection and would probably continue to have them as the stone bumping nearby would compromise the integrity of his bladder.
At 4:00 p.m. On the same Wednesday, Baxter was put to sleep. I have suffered the loss of other pets and I also experienced the loss of my father 17 years ago, but I truly have to say that this was the most agonizing emotional pain I had ever felt. Jack and I were each able to hold him one more time and tell him goodbye and when the vet and her assistant came in to give him the injection he was being held on the table by me and I was being held by Jack. To see his soft and furry lifeless body lying there, knowing he was authentically gone...well, I can't even review the grief I felt and am feeling right now.
I miss you desperately my furry friend and I loved you with all my heart. everywhere I look in the house, I "see" you in the memories we made as a family here. As I write this blog I sit on the front porch on a fairly warm winter's day in Phoenix and see Bailey sitting in the top compartment of the cat stroller. The cat stroller she shared with you, Baxter. It's so empty now and it mirrors the emptiness in my heart. You gave me such love, relax and companionship for all these years. Selfishly I want you back, but I have to believe and remind myself you were suffering and that wasn't fair to you. Bailey lives on, your junior housemate, never to replace you - only to buffer the pain I feel. maybe as a heritage to the team you were together. I will never forget you, my Baxter, my friend..."my boy".
To The Coolest Cat Ever!!
"My Boy"
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