How did you come to be a care giver?
Well like so many tasks that we tackle in life we put on our big person pants and get on with it. There are expansive amounts of joy and laughter complex in being a house care giver as well as being associated to your aging loved one like no one else in the family.
Phoenix Assisted Living
There are special times, shared stories and an occasion to citation house history that will be passed on to future generations. But there are times of grief, self pity, frustration, resentment and even anger which can lead to guilt that also have to be considered. Taking care of family, whether they are nine or ninety, is what we do. Please make note of the helpful hints I will give you at the end of the narrative to help you survive in your new role.
Family care givers commonly obtain that title through a set of circumstances, events and the every beloved house dynamics. The circumstances could be that you are the only child living close to mom, the event could be that she fell and the house dynamics could be that your brother just has "too much going on in his life" right now to even think about sharp back to help. But we all have choices in life and your decision could be that you have chosen to take care of mom. Not out of guilt but out of desire. Once you have made that option then that is where the excitement begins. When person attacks a house predicament with passion and creativity then the outcome will be great for all concerned.
When you think of person in need of a home care provider most likely you think of the elderly. In fact there are over fifty million Americans who have difficulty in performing the activities of daily living due to age, illness or a corporeal disability. And with over ten million of those folks age is not an issue, it is illness or a corporeal disability. For every person receiving care I would bet that there are at least two others providing it.
We are living longer. person born in 1945 could expect to live until they were 66. person born in 2015 will have a life expectancy of 79 years. We are living longer but sometimes it's not all that great. As director of a home care group I have to occasion to sit and chat with many of our senior clients. We contribute home care for one of our clients in Phoenix who will be 90 in a combine of months. She has medical issues, foresight and hearing issues but the one thing she complains about the most is fatigue. During one chat she scrunched up her face in anger and said: "Why can't they find out what is wrong? With all the doctors I am seeing why can't they get it right?" She is currently taking sixteen different medications.
Care giving is a job. It's might not be a job that you applied but now that you have it you are seeing for some guidance. If you have children then that was a known decision you made to bring children into the world and that you would be their care giver. Now men, don't get mad at me but statistically speaking house care givers are female. In fact over 65% of house care givers are female. If both your parents are living then the house caregiver is the commonly the spouse. In over 70% of elderly men it is the spouse who provides care but that drops to 33% if the wife needs the care.
Think of the jobs you do when you are a mom, that is also your paying job out of the home. Now these are the supplementary jobs you take on as a house care giver.
Accountant and money manager. At the very least you will be production sure the bills are paid so the heat doesn't get shut off in the winter. But most likely you will be paying bills, transferring funds from savings to checking and production sure things don't go into default. Medical adviser. Doing internet searches to make sure that the new supplement she is taking isn't conflicting with the blood pressure medication. House keeper. Getting the crud off the stove because while mom was an perfect house keeper back in the day, she just can't see the splatters of spaghetti sauce that has crusted over. Personal hygiene assistant. At the very least doing standby duty while she showers or bathes. Cook. While she can still control the microwave a nice homemade casserole is always a treat. Driver. Many, many doctors appointments, lab tests and then there is grocery shopping, pharmacies, etc.
These are just some of your new duties that you will take on along with responsibilities to your house and your job. Have you heard of the "Sandwich Generation" well you're it. Sandwiched in the middle of your children and your parents.
But don't fret there are other house members to help right? In a perfect world all will be there to help. We had a client who had concluding cancer with in fact only a short time left. We provided overnight home care for him in Peoria, Az; his wife had passed on some years earlier and he now lived alone. He had three children who were now in their sixties who lived not to far away. Hospice of the Valley visited often providing palliative care. His children would rotate During the day to contribute care and we provided care givers for the overnight hours until one of the children arrived the next morning. He was covered with loving care 24/7 and passed in his sleep one night. In this situation the house care givers through many house meetings divided up the duties and also brought in professional help so that they could still spend ability time with their dad until the end.
We have another client who lives in an independent living factory here in Glendale, Arizona that we contribute about twelve hours of home care a week. She also has three children in their sixties; one in Portland, one in Oklahoma and one here in Phoenix. The one in Portland supplies no support or help whatsoever, the one in Oklahoma calls mom once a week and the one here is dealing with insurance, prescribe issues, trying to keep mom from spending too much money and doing supplemental grocery shopping to fill in what our care giver does.
So with all this new info to chew on, what's next? How about a mini-survival guide?
Survival Guide for the house Home Care Provider
Get other house members involved. If you have siblings I am sure that you have learned over the years what buttons to push to give them a jab. This is not the time for that. Lay it out as a a task that effects the extended house and ask them specifically what they can do to help. Many times when you ask for help you have a task that you need done and they will come up to that mark but no further. If you have clearly defined areas of involvement and ask them what they can do, you might be surprised that they will exceed your needs. If they are too far away to physically help then maybe they could send a combine of hundred dollars a month your way to buy some respite care from a local home care agency.
Use mom's public network. Does she still have friends and neighbors that are active? Maybe one of them could do some grocery shopping once a week or take her to get her hair done.
Use ready resources. Do an internet search for local agencies like the Area group on Aging, Alzheimer's Foundation, etc. Also look into church organizations that might have a volunteer group to help with the elderly. There are hundreds of on line communities (some of which I write posts for) that offer Q&A help from their members. You are not alone in this, there are many others that have the same problems and can offer advice.
Get some time off. Remember this is a job and you need a vacation. Even if it is only a long week end there are many home care agencies who can contribute you with experienced care givers to give you needed respite.
Make a schedule and stick to it. If mom calls and says she is out of mayo, you don't have to run over there on your lunch hour to get it for her. Tell her to add it to the grocery list and you will pick it up on the normal shopping day. Once you start doing this she will understand that there is a buildings and will comply with it.
Prepare for the future. If mom only needs a slight help now and then use this time to look at what the future looks like. Have you found a marvelous home care group when and if 24/7 care is needed? Have you contacted Hospice to see what services they offer and when it would be appropriate for them to enter the house of care givers.
You are a house care giver but you should think of yourself as the former care giver not the only care giver. Allow others to help. If you develop a mindset that it is easier for you to do it yourself you will come to be grumpy and resentful and that is no way to remember mom's last years.
The Care and Feeding of a Home Care victualer
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